Whether you know it or not, society today is teaching you how to help the divorce rate…You just haven’t realized it yet.
To start off this blog…I have a question, what is the difference of your view of dating someone and marrying them?
Now, I can guarantee you your answer is: we get to have sex.
OK, so you’ve just identified 1 of like the many many differences that should be there that aren’t in relationships today.
Today in relationships we think these things are acceptable and normal:
- Saying “I love you”
- Sleeping in the same bed
- Bible studies together (ill explain at the bottom)
- Sharing things (cars, money, and resources)
See, we try on people like we try on shoes; we wear our shoes until they fade out of color and then go in and buy a brand new pair. We are in relationships while it’s “fun and exciting” and then when it gets boring or we don’t get what we want, we dump them and get something new.
How many times are you going to say “I love you”? It didn’t work in your past 3 relationships and it’s surely not going to work in this one. Saving I love you till marriage is something to teach you patience, it’s never going to save your relationship. You can say I love you as much as you want, but it’s never going to change who you are on the inside, and that is the only thing that builds strong relationships. The only thing that can save your relationship is you being who you are, nothing else can. You can be fake all you want, you can be the person you’re not, but eventually it’s going to come out and come crashing down. God created you in His own, beautiful image and that’s the person you’re supposed to be.
See, we are all too willing to trade in the “80 for the 20”. We are willing to trade in our life filled with a Godly lifestyle full of great things for a sinful, self-centered life that we think will fulfill our desires. Our Godly lifestyle fulfills 80% of our needs, yet we are willing to throw it away for the clubbing, drinking, hurting people lifestyle that only fulfills 20%, but we think we are missing out on that lifestyle or sexual relationship.
So, why are bible studies/quiet times so bad for non-marital relationships? Well, having a God-centered relationship is great! That’s what you want, but you don’t want it to invade the most special places of your heart until you get married. Having a quiet time/bible study causes a dependance on the leader in the relationship, it causes you to depend on that person for your exposure and insight into God and that is bad. If you ever begin to enter into spiritual intimacy with anyone other than Christ, you are leading yourself into a blackhole and dead end.
So, what do all these things have in common? All these aspects create a dependance on the other person and that leads to deep pain, anxiety, hurt, and potential for a major breakdown when you breakup. All these things are great, but there is a time and place for everything. On the outside, these aspects look great for an ideal relationship, but it leads to destruction and will eat you from the inside-out after the relationship is over and ruin who you are a christian.
Don’t let the devil have a foot-hold into your relationship because of your good intentions, which leads you becoming all to dependent on them for spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. You have to become independent first and be separate first, then when you are married you can begin to let down the barriers to become more dependent to the other person because you are in a covenant with them.
The only person that you can ever completely depend on is Christ. Let Him lead you, let Him guide you, let Him teach you His ways.
So my challenge is this: What aspects are you showing in your dating relationship that need to be put on hold till marriage to keep you safe from failure?
You’re helping the divorce rate, you’re teaching yourself to give up on the person that you have trusted all these things with and move onto the next…It’s an endless cycle that will lead to divorce in your marriage if you don’t learn to put a stop to it now and learn patience. You can do it!
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. -Phil 4:8
“For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.” -Titus 3:3
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” -Colossians 3:16