Love Doctor (Pt. 5) Q&A

May 20, 2011 Comments Off on Love Doctor (Pt. 5) Q&A

This week we went through different aspects of relationships, but today I am going to answer YOUR questions. The following blog is a Q&A of questions you asked and wanted answered.

  • How can we love God, but hurt the ones around us we love the most?

So often times, it truly comes down to our own insecurity about our own life and who we are as a person. We let the things of this world define who we are: relationships, money, fitness, race, gender, and status…Rather than letting the cross define us and be secure that Jesus gave us a new beginning. We allow the devil into our thoughts, feelings, and actions and feel the sense of being better than someone by making fun of them. Our own insecurity leads to a sense of temporal security because we hurt people in our life as an attempt to heal the wounds we have. We carry over our emotional baggage into new relationships, friendships, and our walk with Christ. We love the idea that God forgives us, but can”t accept forgiving others. Withholding our forgiveness from others is a slap in the face to Christ because He died, so that we would be forgiven and have the ability to love others. 

  • Why is miscommunication bad in a relationship and what are it’s effects?

Miscommunication leads to a lot of confusion on both ends. While one person may be thinking the problem is because of one issue, the other may be in a completely different thing. It’s born in the small things in relationships (personal preferences, feelings, and background) and then grows into a disfunction relationship by not being able to communicate when the other makes us mad, sad, or angry. Being able to communicate in any relationship is a huge key to having a lasting one. Lack of communication often times can seem to be a sign of immaturity because someone will withhold sadness or anger about a situation and bring it up days, weeks, or months later. Being able to be a good communicator ensures that things are dealt with as they come along and aren’t built up inside and wrongly taken out on the other. And in all honesty, someone that is a good communicator is secure in their sense of “self” because they aren’t worried about what someone else will think and recognizes their need to be forward with the other. Jesus gives us every right to be secure in ourselves because He covered our past, present, and future flaws, so that we might live a life worry free. Having problems communicating? Start you sentences with “When you do “X”, it makes me feel “Y”.

  • Why is it so hard to be content with where God has placed you?

We aren’t content with where God has placed us because often times it’s not where we would have placed us. We like the idea of being able to think we can control our own destiny; choose the relationships we want, the amount of money we make, the place we live, the color hair of our dream spouse, or the car we drive – the reality of this is never true. God has a special plan for us, whether we like it or not, and will place us where He needs us. Don’t be naive enough to think that you can out run God or choose your own destiny, He knows everything we are going to do. You may think you are somewhere opposite of what God wants, but the reality is you aren’t opening your eyes up to all the opportunities around you that God has placed for you to discover. We allow the game of “life” to drain us of valuing our time with the people around us. We can’t go anywhere without our phone, making a status, or tweeting our opinion of our day. If we could approach life like a “walk on the beach” (CC) then we would find joy in every moment of our day. What I am saying is, when we walk on the beach all we are thinking about is the people with us and interacting with them. God tells us that our days are numbered, so we should be using every opportunity that we have to reflect our love for Christ on the ones around us and cherish their time spent with us- you never know when someone might die.

  • How do we approach the subject of love and what does that look like from a christian stand point?

Turn on the TV, read a book, check twitter, read someones wall post, go see the newest movie – you’re going to be exposed to the phrase “I love you“. Our society has become obsessed with love because we think that it fixes everything in a relationship. The only love that will ever fix everything is Christ’s love for us; the kind of love that loves our rights AND wrongs; the kind of love that covers all wrong doings, all embarrassment, and screw-ups; the kind of love that is so powerful that He gave up His life just for you and me. We try on people like we try on a pair of shoes, we keep them in our life until they get old and boring- until the color fades. That’s NOT how it’s supposed to be. God calls us to love just as Christ loved us and I don’t think Christ ever gave up on us or decided we were too boring. Jesus loved us for who we were because it was our sins that drove the nails from the cross. Do you think that’s the kind of love you’re giving that person in your life that messed up? I don’t think so. As you move through your relationship, you have to ensure that you guard your heart. There is no magic anecdote that says dating for X amount of days, weeks, months equals being able to say “I love you” WRONG.. If you can promise me 1 million dollars that you love that person with all your heart, the way Christ loves us, then you go and scream it from the roof tops that you love them. Until then, you better not even say it. Don’t allow your guard to be let down and fall for someone that only says it to have more access into your life. If someone doesn’t love Christ first, then they will NEVER be able to love you because they have no role model for the perfect form of love. With that being said, a relationship isn’t something to be taken lightly. We are called to stick it out, to love deeper when troubling times come, and to have compassion on the flaws of our lovers because don’t think that you are by any means perfect yourself.

  • Why is love so deceiving and why do I have to prove myself to others about my love for them?

The answer: You don’t. If anyone ever asks you to prove your love to them, they have unhealthy intentions caused by insecurity about themselves, the relationship, or something else that happened to them in their past that they are bringing into the relationship. You need major communication if this situation is ever to arise to be able to talk through the situation with the person, not prove it to them. Love is deceiving because even talking about the word love paralyses our self-guard because we all have a desire to feel love and be loved. However, you cannot allow hearing the words “I love you” be like a lock to a key and open your heart, thoughts, and resources up to someone. Of course, if you’re married this is totally different. We are searching in our life for happiness, security in the opposite sex, and our partner in crime and are so willing to say “I love you” as a means of trying to find someone that will give us attention. The only love that was and will ever have to be proved is Jesus’s love for us. Why? So that people far from God would not be doubting whether or not this Jesus thing is real and if He actually loved us. Jesus died on the cross, so that you would have a constant reminder to be love to the world and that you have somewhere to go when you die. Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for our sin. Jesus lay down His life for You and for Me, so that it would cover our wrongdoing. Jesus didn’t need to live on Earth with all it’s imperfections, His purpose was to trade his life for yours. He died, so that you wouldn’t have to die to this world and be in sin forever! Love is deceiving because it’s what you want. Love is deceiving because we know that we all have to get married some day and would like to think it’s right in front of us. Love is deceiving because we think it makes our life better and happier- while it may for a season, it will never last outside of marriage.


Love Doctor (Pt. 2)

May 17, 2011 Comments Off on Love Doctor (Pt. 2)

 As I continue to do “love doctor” this week, please anonymously “comment” questions about different things I will talk about because Friday’s post will be a Q&A with your questions that you posted.

Today you’re going to see the doctor…Your symptoms: Feeling insecure and pressured about relationships and the opposite sex.

When we think ahead into our lives, we think about having kids and having a wonderful family, but that just doesn’t happen without a lot of hard-work. No, I’m not talking about just going to counseling, having lots of money to feed kids, or paying off your mortgage before your first child – it comes down to who you marry. But before you can marry someone, you’ve got to date them, and for many of us win them over.

If you’re not playing hard to get, then you’re depriving yourself of what you deserve. As a child of God, you have got to make someone work to get your attention – especially you girls. A guy shouldn’t be able to start talking to you and then 2 weeks later your facebook status has changed. You have every right to be selective because this will be the most important decision you will ever make in your life, besides becoming a christian.

As a single christian, you have to ensure that your security isn’t found in another person, but in God’s promise for your life. God has promised you more than you can ever imagine and has someone special lined up for you, but you have to seek him first. Allow yourself to be in the right place for God allow it to be the right time – not clubbing every night with your friends. If you want to find the right person for you, go to the right place.

Relationships aren’t destructive, they’re distracting you away from God if both people aren’t in it for God. You don’t want a hollywood story for yalls relationship, you want a God story. You don’t want him to come sweep you off your feet one day, give you all the dresses you want, and be happy with that. All hollywood stories end at the altar with expensive clothes and an exotic honeymoon, but end in divorce. You want a God story, filled with him seeking and praying about meeting you. Here’s the thing, if someone really doesn’t love Christ, than they really can’t and will not be able to love you because Christ shows us the ultimate form of sacrifice and love. 

If they’re ashamed of God in dating relationship, then how are they going to be Jesus in yalls marriage? Someone that runs after God’s own heart with all that they have got is going to give you the greatest life you can think of. Someone that will run after God more than they will run after you will be accountable, trustworthy, loving, and caring in your relationship because those are some of the qualities of God.

Sometimes you feel like you aren’t worthy to talk to that girl or that guy because of what you did in your past. Here’s the thing: the bible says that purity is God’s promise to us from this day forward, but we aren’t pure unless we are saved by Christ Jesus. Jesus died for all of your sins and covers everything you’ve ever done. In Christ, we are a new creation and you do not have to worry about not feeling worthy enough to go up and talk to that person. Don’t wait for someone to set you up with someone, set yourself up with God and let him set you up. Who else is better to set you up with your partner than the one that created you in His own image?

Our instant satisfactions are far smaller, in pleasure, than the eternal glory we could have if we denied ourselves. Yes, we are all human and have hormones and testosterone. However, if you can deny those small wants and desires, you are teaching yourself patience and the ability to rely on God to get you through any situation. Don’t freak out if you’re not on schedule with your plan for your life because that means God has you right on time for his plan! God makes everything perfect in his own timing and yes it sucks that you have been single for so long, but God has a special plan for you to fall so in love with that special somebody!

So my challenge for you today is this: Are you compromising the standards God gave you for your life? You don’t get a harvest if you don’t plant your seed in fertile soil. So, are you acting in a way that will reap benefits for your future relationship with someone?

Please anonymously “comment” questions about different things I will talk about because Friday’s post will be a Q&A with your questions that you posted.

And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.” Isaiah 43:2

“He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:29-31

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