Relationship Checklist

November 3, 2011 Comments Off on Relationship Checklist

3 Reasons you’re not ready to be in a relationship…yet

  1. Your conversations with the opposite sex always turn into advice seeking and dissatisfied life decision talks. Here’s the problem: Misery loves company. Your priorities aren’t right and you are seeking the wrong people for advice because they cannot give you the solution to your problem, but only a speculation and mutual pitiless regrets as well. Any relationship that begins with deep emotional stimulation will eventually be required to be stabled with intense physical or spiritual compensation- don’t let this happen. Why? This never ending cycle of always having to be intense in all aspects will leave you dependent on that person for your happiness and leave the door open for you to be burned, hurt, and abused every time. Moreover, fully cutting God out of your life.  The ability to be honest and level with someone is beautiful, but becomes ugly and self centered when it’s the only thing you look forward to in your time with that person.
  2. You plan on making Christ a priority after He gives you prince charming. We like to think that we can approach the negotiation table with God; we think we are worthy enough to make demands of God in exchange for service to Him. But here’s the thing, God is never going to be willing to give you big things in your life if you can’t execute in the small things He wants you to beforehand. God will never honor selfishness, ever. If you aren’t satisfied with who you are as a single person (what God has given you now), you will never find satisfaction in a relationship (what God gives you later). Our obsession with wanting to have what we want, when we want it has inbreed a strong dependance on what we can do for ourselves, rather than honoring the awesome plan God has already created for us. Honor him first, be honored later by Him later.
  3. I don’t have a clue what I want to do with my life. In my opinion, one of the most beautiful and heart warming characteristics about a healthy relationship is the ability to support goals and aspirations of the other person. The most important role any woman can play in their relationship to their man is their ability to provide counsel. Notice I did not say be their counselor, but provide counsel- 2 totally different things. I strongly believe in the wisdom and keen emotional abilities God has equipped each and every woman. However, if you have no clue what you want to do with your life, how do you expect to be able to understand the compatibility of your future with someone else? Yet again, I am not saying you need to go through your contact list until you find someone that has an adaptable job in any city, but it is a true sign of maturity that you have a great awareness and concern for both members futures and aspirations.

Singles Anonymous

August 29, 2011 Comments Off on Singles Anonymous

“But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil.” (Proverbs 1:33)

The most important decision you will ever make in your life are the relationships that you allow to be in your life and the relationships you choose to take out of your life.

I guess I have such a big heart for the people that are struggling with being single right now because I have that same burden. For the people that can’t see the purpose, but can only remember that past scars and wounds that was created in your heart because of what He or She did to you.

Here’s the thing: Your ability to be single proves your ability to be in a relationship. Are you willing to put your faith in God and take a leap of faith in trusting Him with your singleness or are you constantly searching for the next relationship to fill the void of loneliness?

Learn to be secure in this season of loneliness, learn to trust God with your happiness, love, and feelings about yourself because people are going to let you down- I promise. The people that are going to be the greatest leaders and most impactful spouses in their future relationships aren’t the ones that can satisfy their loneliness by producing a date every night, but that can embrace their singleness and love on God regardless.

You carry so many burdens of past relationships and past hurts, never knowing how you’re ever going to be able to let go. You have to understand that those feelings of hurt, disparity, pain, and betrayal were set plans from the Devil to destroy your future. That abusive, destructive relationship was a plan from hell trying to destroy you. The Devil is so great at trying to distract us with things that we think are important to keep us from the things we know in our hearts are important: God.

That pain is real, those thoughts that haunt you are even more real, but they are eating you away; destroying your purpose in life. If the Devil can’t get you to deny Christ, He’s going to go after your life: mind, body, spirit.

Live in these promises…

Even though it may seem like the greatest men and women are taken, God has someone special just for me. And even that person doesn’t exist, God’s love is more than enough for me because He was willing to die specifically for me to be able to spend eternity together.

There is nobody I don’t deserve, no matter what sin I have committed. There is no such thing as a hierarchy of X amount of sins qualifies me for Y amount of goodness in someone. You are a child of the King, you deserve the best.

Even though no man or woman may find me attractive, I am still willing to run after Gods calling on my life.

Gods opinion of me matters more than anyone else. My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t have the power to determine whether or not I enter into Heaven, nor would He ever love me enough to go through the pain Jesus went through.

God is going to captivate my heart with the right feelings at the right time for the right person. I cannot force any relationship because I cannot write my own destiny.

Marry Me (Pt. 3)

July 13, 2011 Comments Off on Marry Me (Pt. 3)

“You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I.” -John 14:28

For the last post of the “Marry Me” series, I decided to discuss an all important idea that I like to call the intimate triangle. Learning that such thing does exist will be key into understanding your marriage to be or current marriage.

The intimate triangle is built by 3 intimacy points: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Throughout a relationship, all 3 points are being balanced and have to parallel eachother in order to co-exist. When one goes up, the other must grow to keep them in balance.

Physical intimacy is driven by attraction to one another. The most common flaw of some relationships is by purely seeking someone for their attractiveness, but we never do that do we? Wrong. Established through, kissing, touching, holding hands, cuddling, etc etc.

Emotional intimacy is built once the relationship is established through a co-dependance on one another to share secrets, life stories, and flaws. Emotional intimacy increases physical intimacy easily because the couple feels the pressure of having to keep their partner happy, through physical interactions, because they don’t want to lose them due to the fact that they have shared all their secrets.

Spiritual intimacy is complicated, yet the most powerful of the three because it creates the desire for more physical and emotional intimacy. Built through trust and belief in the relationship and a desire to go deeper. However, it doesn’t work the other way around because I don’t think you’re going to have a desire to study your bible together after making out. Spiritual intimacy is created through studying the bible together, reading a devotional book, or by having deep conversations about God. (CAUTION: I am not saying don’t ever talk about God in your relationship- you’re missing the point)

So what am I saying?

Having a bible study isn’t the secret to saving your relationship for the long haul. Once you’re married, you can throw the intimacy triangle out the window for all I care, but creating awareness of why things are the way that they are is key. If you rely on your significant other to get you to be able to sit down and have quiet time with God, you are going in the wrong direction.

Understanding and being honest who you are in your own walk with Christ will save a relationship. No relationship can ever exist with one person caring the spiritual side, while the other hops on and hopes it’s good enough for both of them.

Before you take the plunge of making this life long commitment to your relationship, you should pay close attention to your mates willingness and ability to take care of the most important relationship in their life- Jesus. If they can’t keep a relationship with Christ, then what would ever make you believe they are going to treat you right?

As a christian, you have every right to have the highest of standards possible because when you have high standards you will know exactly when the person you need to marry meets you. Having high standards isn’t an old fairy tale, it’s the very thing you deserve as the child of the king. You should have a high enough standard that only one person can meet those qualifications– Jesus. Lower from that one tiny bit and you will find the person that you deserve to marry.

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18

Marry Me? (Pt. 2)

July 12, 2011 Comments Off on Marry Me? (Pt. 2)

“To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled. They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.” -Titus 1:15-16

Throughout life we are faced with many challenges. Challenges that require great patience and discernment, but one of the most impacting decisions you will ever make is whom you will marry.

While there are many qualities that you may desire for your mate to posses, I want you to hear one warning as you go about searching for who you want to marry.

Not everyone is who they say they are.

Just because they say they are a christian and believe in God doesn’t mean that they truly are. Understand this, even the devil himself believes in Jesus– he was once an angel, but he does not worship and serve Him. Are you so easily fooled into trusting someone just because they say they are a christian? Do you let your guard down just because they sit in church with you every sunday? 2 Corinthians 11:13-14 says “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”

Romans 14:11 tell us “For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” Every knee will bow and I do mean every- one day. However, not everyone will inherit the kingdom of Heaven.

Matthew 7:15 tells us to be weary of “wolves in sheeps clothing”. For you see, everyone can be nice, charming, and respectful for a season, but you must learn not to form your opinions on what you hear, but rather by what you see in their life. Are they spending one-on-one time with God? Is God first in their life and priorities? Do they put God first financially and serve His kingdom?

If someone cannot explicitly describe the day they gave their life to Christ and what it meant to them, then you better run from this person. This should be the first question you ever ask anyone that you are seriously debating about getting into a deeper relationship with.

If they truly believing in Jesus, no matter the circumstance, they will never ask or demand you to compromise yourself for anything. Men are called to lead the relationship in an exemplary manner and be supportive of the goals the woman has for her life.

Women want to be loved and men want to be respected. Understanding this principal is key to having a successful relationship, but you will never gain anyones permanent love and respect by indulging in their ungodly desires. Giving into sexual favors in a long road to a deep, dark dead-end. They may say they love you because of what you do, but that love will never last and is only a ticking time bomb in their heart before they get bored and move on- leaving you broken.

From personal experience I know that so often times, especially in the South, that people want you to believe that God is apart of their life because they know you are a great person, but they are only looking to suck that God-given greatness out of you by decieving you into thinking they are something they are not.

Trust yourself. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, so I don’t want you wandering about believing that the person in your life isn’t a christian. Moreover, I am only wanting to encourage you to dig deeper with the person you are dating and to be cautious as to understanding that actions do, in fact, speak louder than words. Remembering that everyone can act a certain way for a season, but cannot put on a show forever.

Be on your guard at all times, God has called to you to be something greater than you can imagine and has someone greater than you can imagine lined up for you to be apart of that calling. Walk in faith that God will strengthen you and reveal to you the truth of your relationships, you just have to be willing to accept whatever you find out and trust Him.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” -Matthew 7:21-23

Marry Me? (Pt.1)

July 10, 2011 Comments Off on Marry Me? (Pt.1)

I wanted to clear one thing up: I am not proposing to anyone, so don’t get bent out of shape because of the subject. I am currently single. I decided I would take some time, whether it be two days or this entire week, to write a few posts on marriage as it seems to be a popular topic lately (thanks a lot royal wedding). PS- I promise even if you are already married, you’re going to get something out of this.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. -Ephesians 5:25

The reason I opened with Ephesians 5:25 because it is a critical error that society isn’t ingraining into the minds of young men today. I am growing up in a generation that allows men to use women as they like: to make women be of service to any and all requests of men and for the young men of today to use and abuse their so-called right of authority. Jesus gave up His life in ultimate sacrifice for the body believers, the church, because He loved us so much that He didn’t want us to suffer in eternal damnation. When was the last time you even sacrificed a moment of your time with a girl because it was something that would make her happy?

Now guys, before you get all ruffled up…I do understand that Ephesians 5:22 states “22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” However, when was the last time God asked you to compromise your morals? Never. Women are to be submissive to men AS they are to God, whom they serve faithfully. 

Finding a significant other is about more than who is willing to put up with your flaws or who lives on the wild side, yet pretends to be a christian on Sunday to make you look like a family on Sundays. Find someone that can live out the fruits of the spirit in your relationship and their own life:

  • Love– the couple would love each other and exhibit it in their relationship
  • Joy– each would live their life with Joy that God has given us from seeking him first and would exhibit a happiness that could not be matched except through Jesus
  • Peace– the relationship would not have consistent fights or anger exhibited
  • Long suffering– the couple would be able to get through the hardships
  • Kindness– a relationship where they care for each other at every moment
  • Goodness– A relationship that dwells on the good and strives to do good for each other and for the world
  • Faithfulness– a relationship where they honor the commitment to each other no matter how hard the times may get but honor that God calls us to be faithful to one another
  • Gentleness– a woman that is gentle can speak a thousand words to a man and can calm him down in the worst of all situations,
  • Self Control– you aren’t putting yourself first in your life or going after the desires of the world that will tear you relationship apart.

If someone isn’t willing to be in a relationship with Christ, then they certainly aren’t willing to be in the kind of relationship you’re looking for. If He/She isn’t willing to love Jesus, then there is no reason they are ever going to love you.

And if you’re already married, it isn’t too late to take your marriage to the next level by not only be an example in the home by exemplifying the fruits of the spirit in the most important relationship you can have- Jesus, but also loving on your family and spouse! It’s never too late for anything.

You’re helping the divorce rate

May 30, 2011 Comments Off on You’re helping the divorce rate

Whether you know it or not, society today is teaching you how to help the divorce rate…You just haven’t realized it yet.

To start off this blog…I have a question, what is the difference of your view of dating someone and marrying them?

Now, I can guarantee you your answer is: we get to have sex.

OK, so you’ve just identified 1 of like the many many differences that should be there that aren’t in relationships today.

Today in relationships we think these things are acceptable and normal:

  • Saying “I love you”
  • Sleeping in the same bed
  • Bible studies together (ill explain at the bottom)
  • Sharing things (cars, money, and resources)
See, we try on people like we try on shoes; we wear our shoes until they fade out of color and then go in and buy a brand new pair. We are in relationships while it’s “fun and exciting” and then when it gets boring or we don’t get what we want, we dump them and get something new.
How many times are you going to say “I love you”? It didn’t work in your past 3 relationships and it’s surely not going to work in this one. Saving I love you till marriage is something to teach you patience, it’s never going to save your relationship. You can say I love you as much as you want, but it’s never going to change who you are on the inside, and that is the only thing that builds strong relationships. The only thing that can save your relationship is you being who you are, nothing else can. You can be fake all you want, you can be the person you’re not, but eventually it’s going to come out and come crashing down. God created you in His own, beautiful image and that’s the person you’re supposed to be.
See, we are all too willing to trade in the “80 for the 20”. We are willing to trade in our life filled with a Godly lifestyle full of great things for a sinful, self-centered life that we think will fulfill our desires. Our Godly lifestyle fulfills 80% of our needs, yet we are willing to throw it away for the clubbing, drinking, hurting people lifestyle that only fulfills 20%, but we think we are missing out on that lifestyle or sexual relationship.
So, why are bible studies/quiet times so bad for non-marital relationships? Well, having a God-centered relationship is great! That’s what you want, but you don’t want it to invade the most special places of your heart until you get married. Having a quiet time/bible study causes a dependance on the leader in the relationship, it causes you to depend on that person for your exposure and insight into God and that is bad. If you ever begin to enter into spiritual intimacy with anyone other than Christ, you are leading yourself into a blackhole and dead end. 
So, what do all these things have in common? All these aspects create a dependance on the other person and that leads to deep pain, anxiety, hurt, and potential for a major breakdown when you breakup. All these things are great, but there is a time and place for everything. On the outside, these aspects look great for an ideal relationship, but it leads to destruction and will eat you from the inside-out after the relationship is over and ruin who you are a christian.
Don’t let the devil have a foot-hold into your relationship because of your good intentions, which leads you becoming all to dependent on them for spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. You have to become independent first and be separate first, then when you are married you can begin to let down the barriers to become more dependent to the other person because you are in a covenant with them.
The only person that you can ever completely depend on is Christ. Let Him lead you, let Him guide you, let Him teach you His ways.
So my challenge is this: What aspects are you showing in your dating relationship that need to be put on hold till marriage to keep you safe from failure?
You’re helping the divorce rate, you’re teaching yourself to give up on the person that you have trusted all these things with and move onto the next…It’s an endless cycle that will lead to divorce in your marriage if you don’t learn to put a stop to it now and learn patience. You can do it!
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. -Phil 4:8

“For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.” -Titus 3:3

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” -Colossians 3:16

Love Doctor (Pt. 4)

May 19, 2011 Comments Off on Love Doctor (Pt. 4)

This is part 4 of the “love doctor” series this week about relationships. Feel free to leave a comment with any question you may have about relationships or God in general! Today we are going to talk about finding “the one” for you or if you have already found them, how to keep them in your life.

Thanks for visiting the Doctor today, here are your symptoms: wondering if He or She is right for me

I think for so many of us, we wonder about whether or not we are going to ever find “the one” or if we should just settle for someone that thinks we’re cute, totes presh, or funny. We wonder if there could ever possibly be someone out there that will treat us half decent after dating all the douche bags and witches with a “b” in front.

You know you’ve found the right guy when

  • You spend more time praying and reading your bible than making out
  • He values you as a person, not just as his girlfriend
  • His agenda for your relationship isn’t his own, but God’s
  • He values your input more than he values his desire to put it in you
  • His integrity is no different around you in public than in a room alone when nobody is home
  • He encourages you to run after God, not run so you can wear a shorter dress in public
  • His favorite thing about you isn’t your eyes, curves, stomach, tan – it’s your love for God
  • He constantly keeps you accountable to your calling for God, not the amount of times you call him.
  • He loves God more than he loves you (Don’t get mad, you’ll thank me later for this quality)
  • He wants a “God story”, not a “hollywood story” for yalls relationship
You know you’ve found the right girl when
  • Her ability to love you isn’t on her actions, but the fruits of the spirit
  • Her life isn’t dependent on you, but on God
  • She recognizes she has the ability to speak to your good or bad side
  • She accepts you for who you are, not accepts you “earning her love”
  • She spends more time in church than reading “Teen”, “Cosmo”, and “Seventeen”
  • The sexiest thing about her is her love and passion for God, not her body
  • Her greatest passion in life is serving God, not making you a sandwich
  • If you could only spend your life with one person, it would be her
  • She doesn’t tempt you to sin, but tempts you to dream the impossible for God.
  • She knows “hollywood” romances aren’t real, but “God stories” are
The bible tells us to run from evil. If you’re in a relationship you know doesn’t glorify God, you are destined for destruction. God doesn’t call us into destruction, but is a just God and will destroy all evil – you’re unhealthy, ungodly relationship. If you don’t take matters into your own hands and respond to what God is telling you to do in your heart, He will make sure it gets done…the hard way.
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Take it from me, I knew I shouldn’t have been in a certain relationship in my life, I knew it wasn’t Godly and I knew where it was going. I somehow thought that I could control my own destiny, that I could get what I wanted, but I quickly learned otherwise. God was telling me to break it off, but I wouldn’t listen. Months later, the relationship ended in the most painful circumstances that left what seemed like a stamp on my life- God made sure that relationship was out of my life whether I liked it or not.
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I know many of us don’t have the privilege of being in a relationship right now and you really wish you were, but God isn’t done teaching you something yet. Hold onto this promise for your life: God has handpicked and created someone on this Earth just for you, all you have to do is wait on the Lord and seek Him first.
Sadly enough, the love of our life just isn’t going to appear on our front door step via FedEx overnight- you’re going to have to get out there and work your stuff, not your swag…Your God stuff.
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The bible tells us to seek God in prayer and petition for all of our needs, including relationships. However, you can’t sit in your room and pray all night. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and in a position that would allow someone to come into your life. You have to make your life right with God before Mr. or Mrs. right comes in your life. You can’t go without either, you must have both: prayer and position.
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If there is one thing I want you to get out of this blog, it is this right here: When your spiritual walk with Christ aligns with His or Her’s, you better run after them with all you’ve got. Your spiritual calling/purpose in life should be able to co-exist with there’s, not ruin it. Both of yall should be seeking God and should run into eachother because you’re seeking God first, not eachother.
1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
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1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body”
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Philippians 1:9-10 “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ”
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Romans 12:1-2 “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

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